So i have hardly any time to blog but being my daughter is sick ( yes once again) i might as well take advantage . I have been struggling with so much lately not so much regarding C but life in general . Have you wondered why your child was born the way they where born?
Has it ever crossed your mind the feeling of wanting to understand and having closure?
I truly beilive that everything happens for a reason and someday's i sit here and i think i know exactly those reason's why my child was born the way she is. But then i realize that i truly honestly do not and may not ever know nore understand why my child has Autism.
I am a mother who grieves quietly to herself , because growing up i was taught grieving for the world to see is a sign of a weakness. To this day for some reason i am stuck thinking that way. So i have had my moments where i just stare at my child and watch how she struggles , how frustrating it is for her to do the simple thing's we take for granted and i feel the tears gently rolling down my face.
I am very careful to not release my emotions in front of C because she has a complete meltdown so i cry silently and i act quickly to wipe my tears off my face. Seeing your child sitting there frustrated to the point they start slamming there head into the floor can be the one event to make you loose it emotionally at any point and time. Am i right? Anyone else ever have this issue with there child?
I have gone thru my grieving and i am at the bridge where i am driven to help not only my child but many other children and families by doing research , running our facebook awareness page and sharing our experiences. But i want to do so much more then that. But currently i am unable to do anymore then that.
\ I am finding myself greiving in so many way's i have not grieved yet. I am not grieving in a way some would understand. Perhaps some would think why greive?
the answer is simple i am not grieving a death but i am grieving the life i had imagined for my child.
If you asked me when i was pregnant the life i had imagined for my child did not include the word's Autism, the word's Cerebral Palsy or Sensory seeking or Sensory disfunctions.
The life i had imagined for my child included happiness, laughter , meeting her milestones . Being able to walk , being able to communicate . Not having to live going to hospitals, specialists . Instead god has blessed me with a little girl who has taught me more then i could of learned in life in just 2 years.
My child has taught me to exactly what i need to learn thing's i should of learned years ago .
Everything i have learned could be summed up just by saying appreciate every moment you have with your child. Appreciate the little bit of eye contact you gain , treasure the moment's when they utter's word's even when they repeat it 30 times, treasure it . word's are precious .
Grasp those moment's of actual being able to sit down and play with your child those moment's are rare.
Enjoy those moment's of when you can escape for a few minutes or even a few hours to renew your inner spirit.
Too many of us take so much for granted you just never know when your life will be touched by a child with special needs. So hug your child and make sure everyday every moment you get you tell them you love them. Because special needs children need to be reassured specially in the time's of struggle.
Have you hugged your child today?
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